Friday, November 16, 2012

Three Years Later

Just over three years after I broke up with C., it still stings that I got called a liar for not sharing all the details of our breakup; that my "bad past," in which I tended to be too afraid to tell the truth, which led to a lot of lying, got brought up because I didn't want to answer questions. ("Well, you did lie a lot when you were younger; why should we believe you about this?" This is not helpful after coming out of a nine-year relationship, and being unemployed and having to move back in with my parents in my 30s.)

It still stings that people pushing me into sharing details I did not want to share. Why people would think that someone is likely to share intimite details of a painful breakup from a long-term relationship days or weeks after it happened is a bit puzzling. I needed to process what happened, and it took me a long time to do that.

It still hurts that C. felt compelled to drag my parents into our breakup; why would he do that? (Aside from wanting to hurt me, I can't imagine a reason.) Our breakup had nothing to do with anyone else, and should have remained between us.

I'm an introvert. I'm cautious, and need to observe people for a long time before I'll be comfortable talking to them about anything personal. I distrust people, and get hurt easily. Once I get hurt, I remember the circumstances for a long time. I don't like being offered advice bluntly. I'd prefer to be listened to, without advice being automatically offered. Just listen and be gentle.

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