Tuesday, November 20, 2012

The Purposes of Blogging

I've been contemplative lately, thinking about the people in my life, or people with whom I'd been friends in the past but whose friendships I've had to let die away for whatever reason. Sometimes it's been my fault; often it's the behavior of others I simply can no longer tolerate, or the relationship has become one-sided. Often, of course, it's more complicated by the fact that someone is a member of the family.

One of the reasons I enjoy blogging so much is that it helps me figure out what I think about things; it helps me work through a problem or emotios I can't quite figure out otherwise. This is especially helpful when I've been spending a lot of time thinking about religious issues with which I disagree - writing about whatever is on my mind helps me sort through things - although there was one woman with whom I've since cut contact who'd told me, in no uncertain terms, that I should not be writing about these things; I should just accept what the church teaches, without question, because if the church teaches it, then that teaching should be followed.

I was easily hurt when I was younger; I was sensitive to tones of voice, and even if someone said that which may have been true, specific tones caused me to not be able to hear the message. This sounds ridiculous, and it probably is, but I couldn't always get past pitch and volume. Noises can do me in; I don't like a lot of noise in my life (probably why I don't like most cities).
Meanwhile, I've been holding onto a lot of hurt for a long time; things that were said to me by close family members are still in my mind. Even if I've forgiven, I haven't quite been able to forget, which makes it difficult to trust people and truly be open. It's unfair, and I'm trying to figure out how to move past those past hurts.

There's always something to work on.

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