Monday, November 21, 2011

Trimming the Angst

If planning my wedding showed me anything, it showed me that I didn't have time for folks who have negative attitudes, who are bad at communication, or who couldn't be bothered to maintain the relationship in some capacity. (Phone marathons aren't necessary, but semi-regular e-mails are easy.) When planning my wedding, I had to let two long-term friendships go because I had outgrown them, because the relationships had grown to be nearly entirely one-sided, because the people involved were, quite frankly, just too self-involved. I heard all about their problems, whenever I talked to them, which was rare - or I heard nothing about what was going, and in conjunction with the seeming lack of interest in anything that was going on with my life, I could only assume that they simply weren't interested in the friendship anymore. I'm trying to let it go, even months later, but this still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, and I'm still hurt.

More recently, I've been trying to maintain some kind of contact with my cousins, who areyounger than I; two are 18 (a month apart in age), and one is 19. Of the three, two are in college, and when I do email they do tend to email back at some point, which is great. (I get that they're busy, but usually within a few weeks I hear something, which is really all I'm asking for.)

The third cousin is having some problems lately, and I've been trying to reach out to her, especially because when I was her age, I had issues too. I tried emailing her a few times and just letting her know what was in my head, and that got a good response. However, my more recent emails have gone completely unanswered; the present I sent her for her birthday got an email that sounded like it came from her mother and not her; any casual comment I make on her FaceBook wall gets deleted. (I guess that's still embarassing and unwelcome.) I sent her a final email telling her that I can't get to know her if she doesn't respond to anything, that if I had hurt her in some way, I wish she'd let me know otherwise I couldn't apologize. I don't expect to get a response.

She's old enough to put that kind of behavior behind her. There's something going on, but no one's really telling me. I'm hurt by her absolute silence. Clearly she wants no relationship, so she'll get none. I'm done.

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