If you find yourself in these circumstances:
- You can't afford to pay your own rent without the assistance of a roommate or a parent;
- You're involved with a guy who is terrible at communication, who shuts you out every time something bad happens, who can't be open with you, and who is emotionally immature;
- You "can't" get married because if you do you'll lose your health insurance; and
- You can't drive and you don't live in a place where there's easily accessible public transportation.
...perhaps you should not be adopting a child.
Perhaps you shouldn't be adopting a child with the man with whom you're having a relationship you can't or won't define, can't or won't introduce to your family or friends, can't or won't tell your family or friends that you're involved with him. If you can't support yourself, how are you going to support that child, even if there's another person adopting that child with you? What if something happens to the child and you need to get her to the emergency room? (Even if you have a roommate, that roommate is not going to be there all the time.)
I wish I could say, What the hell are you thinking? This is not the way to raise a child or have a family. I understand that you may lose your government-funded health insurance because of marriage (although this sounds dubious), but without that little piece of something making another person liable for that child, adopt the child yourself as a single parent.
Which you probably shouldn't be doing anyway because you have your own issues being open and honest with people. Plus, you know, there's that thing where you can't financially support yourself, you can't drive, you have no reliable access to secondary transportation.