A lot has changed in the past couple of weeks. I've written details elsewhere, but mostly I've been doing a lot of what might be called "living in my head" for the past two weeks.
Chris and I parted ways, not under the best of circumstances, but breakups are never under any kind of circumstances other than bad anyway. There were some residual conversations and arguments and all the rest of it, but I think that the most painful parts are over with, and at this point just begins the process of getting on with it. I'm back in the Lehigh Valley in Pennsylvania, relegated to staying with my parents, who are being as supportive as they can, but no one wants to move back home with her parents, even under the best of circumstances.
I'm unmotivated in revising my thesis at the moment. I've never been great at multi-tasking, and the inherent and total lack of money I have at the moment seems a tad more pressing. I've settled into a routine of applying for five to ten jobs a day, which has been easier to do some days than others. So far I've had two companies express interest (one company left a message; I returned their call three times but have yet to hear back); I had an interview yesterday from a second company. I've been alternating between applying for jobs that are likely to just hire people more quickly, but which tend to pay less; and jobs that would allow me to use my mind and my education, jobs that pay more but that tend to be offered by companies that take longer to act. I want to be able to pay my own bills again, and I won't feel better about myself, or more like myself, until I can make that happen again. It's been awhile.
Laura and I have been discussing renting a house together, down in Lancaster County, where she's been living for a while. I went to visit her last weekend; it's a beautiful area, complete with Amish buggies all over the place, lots of country, and I like it. I could happily live there until I figure out my next step, however long that takes. Of course, all this hinges on my getting a job and being able to save enough to move out. Various friends have been incredibly supportive, offering me places to stay for the weekend or longer as respite, to allow me some space, to not place any demands on me. This has been really helpful, especially since in the cases of Laura and Maria who have had their own issues to wade through, but have been checking up on me regularly. Justin, Ed, Steph, and Brian have also been keeping tabs on me, and allowing me to get all weepy as necessary; thankfully I'm not feeling too alone at the moment.
Last week was difficult. It's a weird place to be in. I want simultaneously to be left alone and fussed at, although things have been a bit better the past couple days.