Monday, May 18, 2009

Eating Disorders

I’m pretty sure I have some kind of food addiction. Addictions are really trendy these days, at least on TV (I’m trying to lighten the mood here); but it’s really hard for me to admit that I might have an eating disorder. I have no evidence to back this up other than my almost uncontrollable urge to eat, even when I’m not hungry (which is most of the time, because I feel like I’m always eating). I have horrible eating habits, and every time I try to change them I fail very quickly, even if I'm doing that thing where I make small decisions and don't let myself get overwhelmed by the 200 pounds (yes, really) I need to lose. I'm really unhappy with how I look, and it's not as easy as "stop eating." I need some help, and I need some money to do it. I want to sit down with someone who can help me plan. I want to talk to someone about this in some detail but I'm not good at opening myself up like this.

Yet another reason to have a steady income: I want to be able to plan my meals better, to go to the grocery store and buy a lot of fruits and veggies (ick), to plan meals better. I'm finally wanting to make healthy meals.

I want to join a gym, but those cost money that I don't have. I liked Curves when I went for a little while, and Lucille Roberts looks promising, too; I want to go to a women's gym. But aside from the financial aspects, I need someone to go with because otherwise I'll stop going.

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