Sunday, February 10, 2008

Malaise

I had to look up the definition of "malaise" because I wasn't sure it accurately described what I have been feeling the past week or so. It doesn't quite encapsulate my attitude; perhaps "apathy" does better, but even that doesn't describe it completely accurately. Whatever it is, I don't know; it's a general non-descript feeling of being mildly disinterested in my surroundings. The cold I've had for just over a week - the one that's settled into my bronchial tubes - hasn't helped, and I suppose it's most likely that as much as anything. (Nothing sucks out the joy in life as one not being able to taste or smell anything, or coughing so much as to disturb class. I actually skipped one class last week because of this cough; I sat through one class and coughed so much the professor began to stop in mid-sentence when I began coughing; I didn't want to have to continually disturb another class because I was busy coughing up whatever remnants of my lungs that I have.) This whatever-I-have has really been depleting my energy too; I've been going about my business and then becoming inexplicably exhausted. (This past Friday I went about tutoring a student for an hour or so, then came home and fell asleep on the cough for 2 ½ hours…after having slept for 8 ½ hours the night before.) The good news is that I’m starting to feel better, aside from this cough that I hope hasn’t progressed to bronchitis.

However, I haven’t been able to muster much enthusiasm for my classes this semester, and for no real good reason. They are all interesting, with professors I like. But I’m so (nearly continuously) stressed out about finances and my lack of money that I haven’t been able to goad myself into doing the reading that needs to be done for my classes, and that needs to change. Above all, not doing the reading isn’t going to solve anything, so I need to fix that, pronto.

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