Thursday, February 22, 2007

Life Evaluation Time.

Happy Birthday to Me. Let's recap, shall we?

* On my birthday last year I submitted my student teaching application, as a birthday present to myself. I was the first person to have submitted her application, and apparently had (in retrospect and by comparison) one of the more difficult student teaching experiences.
* I'm graduating in May... finally.
* I haven't published anything yet. I had thought it would be nice if I had done so by 30, but since I'm 31 and I haven't done any research, that sort of thing wouldn't happen magically on its own. That's all right; I've done other things.
* I've gotten admitted to grad school.

Many folks get their acts together long before I have, but I am choosing to consider the past year as the final year in made some academic progress. I suppose that for some (i.e., me), life begins in one's 30s. However, during the past year, which has gone by quickly, a lot has come together, and I have a couple of decisions to make, academically and professionally. And although a lot of people my age have already figured this out, and have their relationships "figured out" and have gotten married and/or had kids (something I am very conscious of, and it still bothers me that I'm so slow on the uptake; I feel that I'm supposed to want those things much more than I do)), I have the sense that I know which direction I want to go in professionally, and at this point I'm more interested in getting myself established. I'm finally getting to the point where I can do that. But I have to admit - and this is hard to do - that somehow I've always felt stunted in that regard. I think I might be - and I don't know if that's really acceptable at this point in my life.

But I'm quick to point out to myself that I've gotten myself under way, and I've taken the necessary steps to become that "adult" that I think I'm supposed to be but that I don't quite feel I am. I've months away from graduating with a degree I can use almost immediately and, quite frankly, nearly anywhere. Saturday afternoon I'm taking the second of three New York State Teacher Certification Exams; I'll be chairing another panel at 4Cs; I'll be attending another (and quite possibly my last) NEWCA; I'll be completing the required NYS Teacher Workshops. So, things are getting there after all.

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